Ring Ring “Hello” said jake it was juck and may they are brother and sister
“don’t tell me that you forgot about our holiday have you” said may. “On I
have not” said Jake he totally forgot “just give some time to to take a shower”
. “Well hurry” up said may peep peep may turned the phone off. Jake ran
around the house getting then he went to look at the calendar he was going
to Hawaii By America the jake got into his car and took off.
“don’t tell me that you forgot about our holiday have you” said may. “On I
have not” said Jake he totally forgot “just give some time to to take a shower”
. “Well hurry” up said may peep peep may turned the phone off. Jake ran
around the house getting then he went to look at the calendar he was going
to Hawaii By America the jake got into his car and took off.
Finally jake got there to the airport he ran inside when juck saw jake he called
him. When jake got to juck and may Juck said ‘we're late let's go’ The three
friends caught the plane just in time before it took off it was a smell plane it
could only carry 7 people. After a few hours there was a big loud explosion
one of the engines was down and the plane was only using one of its engines.
Soon the engines were down and they had to land.
him. When jake got to juck and may Juck said ‘we're late let's go’ The three
friends caught the plane just in time before it took off it was a smell plane it
could only carry 7 people. After a few hours there was a big loud explosion
one of the engines was down and the plane was only using one of its engines.
Soon the engines were down and they had to land.
One of the pilots fainted so Juck had to take her seat. It was up to Jack and the
remaining pilot to land the plane down safely. Finally the plane landed on a
Mysterious Island no one has ever known this island before. There was a lot
of oak on that island so they named it Oak Island Jack thought that they
needed to look for things that might help them. So he told the two pilots to look
for things in the forest, Juck and Jake they looked for wood and may look for
food.
remaining pilot to land the plane down safely. Finally the plane landed on a
Mysterious Island no one has ever known this island before. There was a lot
of oak on that island so they named it Oak Island Jack thought that they
needed to look for things that might help them. So he told the two pilots to look
for things in the forest, Juck and Jake they looked for wood and may look for
food.
It has been a week and there still on the island then they heard a loud ship sound it was from a very big ship juck and his friends help to make a help sign out of wood then they lit it on fire when the people saw the sign they turned and got them on board and took the home.
this story has a good dialogue. maybe next time you can use more detail.
ReplyDeletegreat job on your detail and dialogue
ReplyDeleteThis story has Awesome Dialogues
ReplyDeletegood job using speech marks and next time and some more detail
ReplyDeleteHey Eh Htoo, good ideas in your story here. Next time remember to break up your sentences with punctuation. You have some veeerrrry long sentences here, and when they are very long, the ideas get very confusing. Seperate them with full stops or some other punctuation.
ReplyDeleteFor example this part
"Jake ran
around the house getting then he went to look at the calendar he was going
to Hawaii By America the jake got into his car and took off."
I would write it like this
Jake ran around the house getting everything, then he went to look at the calendar. He was going to Hawaii! (By America). Then Jake got into his car and took off.
Good job Eh Htoo Wah this story has a good dialogue but next time remember to add detail
ReplyDelete